Our Blog

Updated 12th December 2025 | Fact Checked By Jess Knauf, Co-Founder, Family Law Service

Quick Summary: What You Need to Know About Child Custody After Divorce

• Child custody after divorce determine where your children live and how they spend time with each parent, the term “custody” has been replaced with “child arrangements:
• Most parents agree arrangements informally, but mediation (with up to £500 voucher support) helps when communication breaks down
• Both parents usually keep parental responsibility after divorce, meaning shared decision-making on health, education and wellbeing
• Child Arrangements Orders from court are only needed when parents can’t agree, and you must try mediation first (except in domestic abuse cases)
• Courts always prioritise your child’s welfare above all else, considering their wishes, emotional needs and relationship with both parents
• Real examples from Family Law Service show how flexible arrangements, from 50/50 splits to weekday/weekend patterns, work for different families

Child Custody After Divorce: Your Complete Guide to Creating Stable Plans for Your Children

When your marriage ends, one question keeps you awake at night: how will this affect the children?

You’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed. Every year, thousands of parents across the UK face the same uncertainty about child arrangements after divorce. The legal terminology has changed, the process feels complicated, and you’re worried about getting it wrong.

Here’s what you need to understand. The UK family law system no longer talks about “custody” or “access”. Instead, it focuses on practical child arrangements that keep your children’s welfare at the heart of every decision. Whether you and your ex-partner can agree between yourselves or need professional help through mediation or court, there are clear steps to follow.

This guide explains everything you need to know about arranging where your children live, how they spend time with each parent, and what happens when parents disagree.

What Is Child Custody After Divorce?

Child custody, now called child arrangements, cover two essential elements of your children’s lives after separation:

Living arrangements determine which parent your child lives with day-to-day. This used to be called “residence” or “custody”, but the language has changed to reflect modern family life.

Spending time arrangements set out when your child sees and spends time with the other parent. Previously known as “contact” or “access”, this now covers everything from regular weekday visits to overnight stays and holiday time.

The key difference from the old system is simple. UK family law moved away from the idea that one parent “wins” child custody while the other gets limited access. Instead, child arrangements after divorce recognises that children benefit from meaningful relationships with both parents, where safe and practical.

Why the Legal Terms Changed

The Children Act 1989 transformed how UK courts handle family matters. Before 1991, divorcing parents had to fight over who got “custody” and who got “access”. Courts decided winners and losers.

After 1991, the focus shifted entirely to the child’s welfare. Courts now only get involved when making an order clearly benefits the child more than leaving parents to sort things themselves.

“At Family Law Service, we see this change reflected every day in how parents approach separation,” says Jess Knauf, Co-Founder. “Parents who once would have battled in court now work together to create flexible arrangements that adapt as their children grow.”

Understanding Parental Responsibility After Divorce

One of the biggest misconceptions about child arrangements after divorce is that one parent loses their rights. That’s simply not true.

Parental responsibility means the legal rights and duties you have over your child’s upbringing. This includes decisions about:

• • Education and schooling
  • Healthcare and medical treatment
  • Religion and cultural upbringing
  • Where your child lives long-term
  • Overseas travel and holidays
  • Legal matters affecting your child

Who Keeps Parental Responsibility?

If you’re married when your child is born, both parents automatically have parental responsibility. This continues after divorce.

For unmarried fathers, you have parental responsibility if your name is on the birth certificate (for children born after 1 December 2003). You can also gain it through a parental responsibility agreement or court order.

The important point is this: child arrangements after divorce don’t remove parental responsibility from either parent. You both remain equally responsible for major decisions affecting your children, even if they live primarily with one of you.

What This Means in Practice

Imagine your child needs to change schools, requires medical treatment, or you’re planning to move house. Both parents should be involved in these decisions.

The parent your child lives with (the resident parent) handles day-to-day matters like what they eat for dinner or their bedtime routine. But big life decisions require input from both parents with parental responsibility.

How to Agree Child Arrangements Without Going to Court

Most separating parents never set foot in a courtroom. They work out child arrangements after divorce between themselves, often with help from mediators or family solicitors.

This informal approach works best for everyone, especially your children. When you control the decisions rather than leaving them to a judge, you can create arrangements that fit your family’s unique circumstances.

Creating a Parenting Plan

A parenting plan is a written record of what you’ve agreed. It’s not legally binding, but it helps prevent misunderstandings and gives you both clarity.

Your plan can cover:

• Where your children live during term time and holidays
• Weekday and weekend arrangements
• Who your children spend Christmas, birthdays and other special occasions with
• How you’ll handle changeovers and handovers
• Communication when children are with the other parent
• Financial support through child maintenance
• How you’ll make decisions about education and healthcare

At Mediate UK, we worked with Sarah and Tom, who separated after 12 years of marriage with two children aged 7 and 10. They created a detailed parenting plan covering the school week (children with Sarah) and alternate weekends plus Wednesday overnight with Tom. They also agreed to split school holidays 50/50 and alternate Christmas and birthday celebrations.

“The plan gave us both security,” Sarah told us. “We knew exactly where we stood, and the children adjusted quickly because there was no ongoing argument.”

When to Update Your Arrangements

Child arrangements after divorce aren’t set in stone. As children grow older, their needs change. A toddler needs different arrangements from a teenager.

You can review and update your parenting plan whenever circumstances change. Perhaps one parent moves house, children start secondary school, or work patterns shift. Regular reviews (every six months or yearly) help keep arrangements working for everyone.

The Role of Family Mediation in Child Custody

When you and your ex-partner struggle to agree, family mediation offers a structured way forward without the stress and cost of court proceedings.

What Is Family Mediation?

A trained, independent mediator helps you and your ex-partner discuss issues and reach agreements. They don’t take sides or make decisions for you. Instead, they facilitate productive conversations and help you find common ground.

Mediation can cover:

• Child arrangements including where children live and spending time
• Financial matters and property division
• Child maintenance payments
• Specific issues like schooling or medical treatment

The £500 Mediation Voucher Scheme

Here’s something many parents don’t know about. The UK government offers vouchers worth up to £500 towards family mediation costs, regardless of your income.

The scheme, extended until 2026, has already helped over 27,000 families resolve child arrangements after divorce without going to court.

To qualify, you need to:

• Attend a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) on or after 26 March 2021
• Have a dispute about child arrangements or combined child and financial matters
• Use an FMC-accredited mediator

The £500 covers mediation sessions, not the initial MIAM, which typically costs around £100 per person. Your mediator applies for the voucher on your behalf once you’ve confirmed you’ll proceed.

“The voucher scheme has been transformative,” says Jess. “We’ve seen couples who thought court was their only option successfully resolve everything in three or four mediation sessions, for a fraction of the cost and stress.”

What Happens at a MIAM?

Your first step is attending a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting. This is a requirement before applying to court (with some exceptions we’ll cover shortly).

At the MIAM, which usually takes about an hour, the mediator:

• Explains how mediation works
• Assesses whether your case is suitable for mediation
• Checks for any safeguarding concerns
• Discusses the voucher scheme if you’re eligible
• Answers your questions about the process

If mediation isn’t appropriate (for example, if there’s been domestic abuse and you don’t have recent evidence), the mediator can provide a certificate confirming you’ve attended. You’ll need this to apply for a court order.

When Do You Need a Child Arrangements Order?

If you’ve tried mediation and still can’t agree, or if circumstances make mediation unsuitable, you may need to apply for a Child Arrangements Order through the family court.

What Is a Child Arrangements Order?

A Child Arrangements Order (CAO) is a legally binding court order that specifies:

• Who your child lives with
• When your child spends time with each parent
• Other contact arrangements (phone calls, video chats, indirect contact)

The order can be as detailed or broad as the court thinks necessary. It might set out specific weekdays, weekends and holiday arrangements, or provide more general guidance depending on your situation.

How to Apply for a Child Arrangements Order

The application process involves several steps:

1. Attend a MIAM (unless you’re exempt due to domestic abuse, child protection concerns, urgency or distance from mediators)

2. Complete Form C100 which asks about your child’s circumstances, what arrangements you want, and why you’re applying

3. Pay the £263 application fee (you may get help with fees if you’re on benefits or low income)

4. Submit your application to your local family court

5. Wait for a hearing date which typically takes 8-12 weeks, though urgent cases move faster

What the Court Considers

When deciding child arrangements after divorce, courts follow the welfare checklist from the Children Act 1989. This means judges consider:

• Your child’s wishes and feelings (depending on age and maturity)
• Physical, emotional and educational needs
• Likely effect of any change in circumstances
• Age, sex, background and any relevant characteristics
• Any harm your child has suffered or is at risk of suffering
• How capable each parent is of meeting the child’s needs
• The court’s powers and what orders are available

The guiding principle is simple: your child’s welfare comes first, above everything else.

We supported James through our Court Prep package when facing a relocation application. After reviewing his case documents and providing a detailed telephone consultation with our McKenzie Friend, James felt confident representing himself in court. He effectively presented evidence of his daughter’s school friendships, his hands-on involvement, and her wishes to remain in the area. The judge refused the relocation, prioritising the child’s stability and relationship with both parents.

Common Child Arrangements After Divorce

There’s no “standard” arrangement because every family is different. However, some patterns emerge based on what works for most children.

Primary Residence with One Parent

This is the most common arrangement in the UK. Your child lives mainly with one parent (usually in the family home or a nearby property) while spending regular time with the other parent.

Typical patterns include:

• Every other weekend (Friday evening to Sunday evening)
• One weeknight evening per week
• Half of school holidays
• Alternate special occasions

Shared Residence (50/50 Arrangements)

More parents are now opting for shared residence, where children split time more equally between both homes.

Common 50/50 patterns include:

• Week on, week off
• 2-2-3 rotation (two days with parent A, two days with parent B, three days with parent A, then swap)
• Alternate weeks during term time, split holidays
• Weekdays with one parent, weekends with the other

Shared residence works best when:

• Both parents live relatively close together
• Children can maintain the same school and friendship groups
• Both parents have flexible work arrangements
• The parents communicate effectively
• Children are old enough to manage two homes

When Should You Consider Different Arrangements?

Your child’s age matters hugely in child arrangements after divorce:

Young children (under 5) often need frequent contact with both parents but benefit from a stable primary home. Short, regular visits work better than long separations.

Primary school age (5-11) can usually handle overnight stays and longer periods with each parent, if both parents live nearby.

Teenagers (12+) often want more say in arrangements. Courts take their views seriously, and flexibility becomes more important as school, friendships and activities increase.

The Role of CAFCASS in Child Arrangements

When your case reaches court, you may encounter CAFCASS (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service).

CAFCASS officers are independent professionals who represent children’s interests in family court proceedings. They don’t work for either parent, the court, or social services.

Please read more about our CAFCASS Prep meeting on our services page.

What Does CAFCASS Do?

If your case involves disputes about child arrangements after divorce, CAFCASS may:

• Conduct safeguarding checks on both parents
• Speak to your child (if age-appropriate) about their wishes
• Observe interactions between parent and child
• Prepare a Section 7 report with recommendations for the judge
• Attend court hearings to advise on welfare matters

A CAFCASS officer’s recommendations carry significant weight. Judges don’t always follow them, but they give serious consideration to professional assessments of what serves the child’s best interests.

Financial Aspects of Child Arrangements

Child arrangements after divorce connect directly to financial responsibilities. Where your child lives affects how much child maintenance the non-resident parent pays.

Child Maintenance Calculations

The Child Maintenance Service (CMS) calculates payments based on:

• The paying parent’s gross income
• Number of children needing support
• How many nights per year the child stays with the paying parent

The more overnight stays your child has with you, the less child maintenance you pay. This recognises that you’re covering costs when children stay with you.

Shared care reductions apply if children stay overnight with you at least 52 nights per year:

• 52-103 nights: 1/7th reduction
• 104-155 nights: 2/7th reduction
• 156-174 nights: 3/7th reduction
• 175+ nights: 50% reduction

Additional Costs Beyond Child Maintenance

Standard child maintenance covers day-to-day living expenses. However, child arrangements after divorce often require agreements about:

• School uniforms and equipment
• Extracurricular activities and clubs
• School trips and holidays
• Medical and dental costs not covered by NHS
• Travel costs for contact visits

Smart parents build these agreements into their parenting plan to avoid future disputes.

Special Circumstances in Child Arrangements

Not every separation follows a straightforward path. Some situations require careful handling to protect children’s welfare.

Domestic Abuse and Safeguarding

If there’s been domestic abuse, violence or safeguarding concerns, courts can order:

• Supervised contact at child contact centres
• No direct contact (but perhaps indirect contact via letters or supervised video calls)
• Conditions on contact (such as no alcohol consumption)
• Prohibited steps orders preventing specific actions

You’re exempt from the MIAM requirement if domestic abuse has occurred. Your solicitor can confirm exemption with evidence such as police reports, court orders, medical records or refuge letters.

International Relocation

When one parent wants to move abroad with the children, this counts as a fundamental change to child arrangements after divorce.

The relocating parent must either:

• Get written consent from the other parent with parental responsibility
• Apply to court for permission to relocate permanently

Courts consider whether the move is in the child’s best interests, examining:

• Reasons for the move and how genuine they are
• Impact on the child’s relationship with the non-relocating parent
• Practicality of maintaining contact across borders
• Child’s wishes (if old enough)
• Each parent’s proposals for future contact

These cases are complex and heavily fact-dependent. We strongly recommend getting specialist legal advice before making or opposing international relocation applications.

When Grandparents Want Involvement

Grandparents don’t automatically have rights to see grandchildren after their parents separate. However, they can apply for a Child Arrangements Order to formalise contact.

Courts recognise that relationships with extended family benefit most children. If you’re a grandparent concerned about losing contact with grandchildren, or if you’re the primary carer seeking recognition, you can apply for:

• A child arrangements order (permission required first unless the child has lived with you for at least three years)
• Parental responsibility in some circumstances

Enforcing and Changing Child Arrangements Orders

Once you have a court order, both parents must follow its terms. But what happens when someone doesn’t comply?

When Orders Are Broken

If your ex-partner breaches the Child Arrangements Order by:

• Refusing to hand over the children for agreed contact
• Preventing you from seeing your children
• Taking children on holiday without permission
• Moving house without informing you

You can apply to court for enforcement. The court has several powers including:

• Warning letters
• Unpaid work requirements
• Compensation for financial losses
• Varying the existing order
• (In extreme cases) changing residence arrangements

“We have seen instances where a resident parent repeatedly cancelled contact weekends with no good reason,” Jess recalls. “After six months of documented breaches, the court ordered a change in living arrangements. It’s rare, but judges will act when one parent consistently undermines a child’s relationship with the other.”

Varying Existing Orders

Life changes, and child arrangements after divorce may need updating. Either parent can apply to vary an existing order if circumstances have changed significantly.

Common reasons for variation include:

• A parent relocating within the UK
• Children’s changing needs as they grow older
• Changes in work patterns or commitments
• New relationships or remarriage
• Health issues affecting arrangements

Tips for Successful Child Custody Arrangements After Divorce

Based on our collective years of experience, here’s what makes child arrangements after divorce work well:

Communication is Everything

Keep communication child-focused and business-like. Use email or co-parenting apps if talking directly is difficult. Share information about school events, health issues and developments promptly.

Flexibility Helps Everyone

Build flexibility into your arrangements. Life throws curveballs like illness, work emergencies and unexpected events. Parents who can accommodate reasonable changes without conflict make life easier for their children.

Put Children First (Not Your Feelings About Your Ex)

Your feelings about your ex-partner are valid. But when making decisions about child arrangements after divorce, set those feelings aside. Ask yourself: what serves my child’s wellbeing?

Keep Detailed Records

Document everything relating to arrangements, especially if disputes arise. Keep records of:

• Agreed arrangements and any changes
• Contact dates and times
• Payments made
• Communications with your ex-partner
• Any concerns about your child’s welfare

Don’t Use Children as Messengers

Never pump children for information about the other parent’s life or send messages through them. It puts children in an impossible position and damages their emotional wellbeing.

Maintain Consistency Between Homes

Children cope better with two homes when there’s some consistency in rules, routines and expectations. You don’t need identical households, but roughly similar bedtimes, screen time rules and homework expectations help.

How Family Law Service Can Help With Child Arrangements

At Family Law Service, we understand that child arrangements after divorce aren’t just about legal paperwork. They’re about your children’s future happiness and security.

Our Approach to Child Arrangements

We know you’re facing enough stress without drowning in legal jargon, confusing court forms and mounting solicitor fees. That’s why we created Family Law Service. We offer several levels of support depending on your needs:

• Court Form Completion – C100; C1A or C2
• Legal Advice – 1 hour fixed fee
• CAFCASS Prep Meeting – If CAFCASS is involved
• Court Prep Meeting – if you are going to court
• Position Statements – if you are self represented

For a full list of service visit our Services Page.

“The goal as parents, should be to work together where possible,” says Jess. “Court should be a last resort. But when you do need the court’s intervention, we ensure your case is presented with the evidence and clarity judges need to make decisions in your child’s best interests.”

Frequently Asked Questions About Child Arrangements

How long does it take to get a Child Arrangements Order?

From submitting your application to the first hearing typically takes 8-12 weeks. The overall process can take 6-12 months depending on complexity, though urgent cases (involving safeguarding concerns) move much faster.

Can my child decide which parent to live with?

There’s no set age when children can decide for themselves. Courts listen to children’s wishes more seriously as they get older, typically from age 10 upwards. However, a child’s preference is just one factor, and the court always focuses on their overall welfare rather than simply following their stated wishes.

What happens if my ex-partner moves away after we’ve agreed arrangements?

If your ex-partner wants to move a significant distance with your child, they need either your written consent or a court order permitting the move. If you don’t agree, they must apply to court for permission. The court considers whether the move serves your child’s best interests.

Do I need a solicitor for child arrangements?

Many parents successfully agree child arrangements after divorce without solicitors through mediation or direct negotiation. However, specialist legal advice is valuable when your case involves complexity, safeguarding concerns, international elements, or if negotiations have broken down completely and you’re heading to court.

Can grandparents get legal rights to see their grandchildren?

Grandparents can apply for a Child Arrangements Order but usually need the court’s permission first (unless the child has lived with them for at least three years). Courts generally recognise that relationships with grandparents benefit children and will consider applications sympathetically when they’re in the child’s interests.

What if I can’t afford court fees?

You may qualify for help with the £263 court fee if you’re on benefits or have a low income. Apply using form EX160 when you submit your court application. You may also be eligible for legal aid if you’ve experienced domestic abuse or in cases involving child protection issues.